Resumes aren't about YOU!
Did I catch your attention?
Resumes, ironically, are not about you. Yes, you read that correctly. Resumes are all about the reader. What questions do they have and what is their intent in reading your resume. Remember this and you'll find content (about you) that is of value.
Take yourself out of the picture and write as if you are writing about your best friend --- which you are.
Be Kind. Be honest. Be forgiving. Have Fun!